Have you ever started a book or even a series, and about half way through you fall off the train just to have to restart all over again? There is one series I’ve started, to get pulled away due to life or something else, and then have to start all over back at the beginning cause I’ve been down the rabbit trail so long that I don’t remember where the story was at! To me, my weight loss journey has felt no different. Start, distraction, fail, start again… like a broken record I keep skipping back to the beginning. So why not start at the beginning (again) here, with my first Side of Life blog post?
I’ve spent all day excited to sit down and write this out, all these great ideas bouncing around in my brain. “I’ll do it this way, and post that.” Etc. Etc. But the moment it came down to write it, you know what happened? My mind was empty, every idea *POOF!* gone, complete blank slate. I realized that here I couldn’t allow myself to hide behind the screen, if this was to be my safe space, then I needed to be open and honest, even if no one sees it, cause I owe that to myself. All those great ideas that vanished wouldn’t work anyways, and I would have to just write how I felt. Let’s see what comes of it!
With TWO new additions to my family, I realized that more photos would be a mandatory requirement. Having just had a cousin visit from California, I asked for all the photos of her visit, and as I looked at the incoming pictures my eyes about bulged from their sockets… While I’m not at my heaviest weight in them, they definitely were eye opening. Now I’m not saying that I want to be like the cover of a magazine or a Victoria Secret model, but I also want to look at myself and think “I rocked paddle boarding!” Instead of remembering how shaky and off balance I was, praying that I wouldn’t fall off the board and lose my favorite hat and glasses to the river. I want to be HEALTHY! Be able to walk down the stairs at work and not have the water guy tease me for being out of breath, to be able to chase after my nephew (when he graces us with his presence) and not be lethargic in a chair, to be able to get a restful nights sleep and not feel exhausted the next day, see my skin clear up, to minimize the amount of medications I am on. I want that for me, cause healthy is beautiful!
At my heaviest I was 180, which isn’t too bad, but at 5’2″ (and a half! It counts at the doctors so it counts here!), it definitely isn’t good on my joints. Being under 30, I shouldn’t be complaining about half the shit I do. I went to the doctor, knowing something wasn’t right. I had been working out and eating right, but it wasn’t doing ANYTHING, so of course what’s the point if it doesn’t work? I quit. When I talked it over with the doctor, did the tests, all came back clear and they said I was just depressed, and recommended anti-depressants. Now having battled it before, I knew this was different, and that those medications weren’t meant for me. So now not even the doctor helped, and I gave up wanting to go anywhere else, cause I didn’t want or need another person to tell me it was all in my head. Hello 180… I finally let family talk me into trying one more doctor, well more of a specialist, and VOILA! She listened, we tested, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RESULTS this time, and then she walked me through what was going on. Adrenal Fatigue. Hypothyroidism. Lack of Vitamin D. Light Anemia. While some of it does involve medication, most can be managed with vitamins and supplements, natural compounds that help to bring balance back to the various systems. That doctor gave me back my life! I’m sure that sounds dramatic but it’s true in my eyes. When I accomplish goals, or have a positive update, I can tell she genuinely cares and is happy for me. Now that should be happily ever after right? Close, but not quite.
While all the hormones are back in sync, it’s time to get the rest of me to that point. I’ve done various diets in my shortish life time and some have worked, and some… well… HAWT MESS! I needed something that would still allow me to eat my treats, in moderation of course, while being easy to track. I was using the Weight Watchers app before, and did amazing on it, then you guessed it, I fell off the wagon. So the goal is to get back to tracking on that. It works perfectly for me as I can enjoy my goodies, ICE CREAM!, and also enjoy the zero point items when I have the munchies. Another bonus is when it is my night to cook for the roommates, I’ve got a healthy meal and they don’t realize it’s WW. Talk about a win win for me! Now on to the next big obstacle… dun dun dun… THE GYM!
For whatever reason, the gym is the big deal in my head. I fester over going, coming up with EVERY excuse to not get there. Too many people. That time of the month (cause who wants to feel that miserable then compound it by running on the treadmill?). No time, when we all know we go home just to sit in front of the T.V. Or like me curls up with a book. OOPS! It’s got to become a mind over matter thing, and I’ve got to learn to rein in the excuses. I will say, today I actually got there. I jogged/ran for over 40 some odd minute till I could feel something tweaking in my calf. Not wanting to put myself behind even farther, I cooled down then stretched before going home. But getting into my car I felt accomplished as I looked in the mirror, cause boy do I get #redtomatoface after a hard workout, and I was definitely sweating and red in the cheeks. But I was glad I went, as the saying going “You’ll never regret that workout?” Or something like that.
Here is the sweaty, red tomato face after my work out and even scarier… NO MAKE UP! That is hard to put out there but I’ve got to remember that I’m not going to win a beauty contest, plus what’s the point of putting the damn stuff on just to sweat it all off. The photo on the right is me at my heaviest… While I am comfortable in my skin, I remember being exhausted and dragging when in my heart I was beyond proud that my brother was going to be the first in the family to get a college degree.
Now is my chance to change, and if I keep starting over I’m not going to get far, and I have SOO many new goals and dreams to accomplish! I will keep in mind that I am human, and if I slip it doesn’t mean the end of my journey, it just means I get back up, dust myself off, and get back to it. I’m gonna start with small goals to accomplish my big goal of losing 45 pounds by the beginning of June 2019! I’ll check in from time to time with the good and bad, and hopefully you’ll enjoy the journey with me.