Sitting at my desk, or at least what will be considered my desk for these last few days, I think back to a post I started when I was studying for an exam. I’ve waiting on publishing it for whatever reason, but as I re-read what I wrote in the craziness of those moments I realize it’s just as true now as it was then. Maybe even more now than then, since my time is coming to an end… my plane coming to the gate as it were. Safe travels to you all, see you on the next flight.
Late evening of April 21st:
I should be studying right now, for an exam in a field of my current career… A career I may not be continuing in once my second home is no more. I can feel the turbulence effecting my “flight”, bumps that are throwing off the little aspects in my life, like a splash of water in my lap. The trays are in there upright and locked positions, my seatbelt is securely fastened, and I’m trying to keep the water in my cup instead of wearing anymore of it. BUMP. Car is out of commission two days before said exam due to a trench in the road that felt more like the Grand Canyon instead of 2 – 3 inches. More water in my lap. Sudden DROP! Change in family dynamics, and while I’m happy for them, I’m slightly selfish that I want it to be different. Two more splashes in my lap. At this point, my pants are soaked and there is more water on me than in the cup. The flight attendants are still up and about, so it is just me? Am I the only one feeling the pressure in the cabin starting to change? Am I over exaggerating the need for the mask that has dropped from the overhead compartment? More bumps. The questions are starting to fill my head. “What am I going to do after all of this?” “What do I want to be when I grow up?” “How will I pay bills and take care of myself?” When I look around the cabin, some have their masks on and some are leisurely getting in and out of the over head storage, oblivious to the chaos going on around them. As I look at my life this is how I feel, wondering how many more bumps and sudden drops my heart can take.
I’ve come to realize that no matter how much I wish things to be different, this is life. It’s full of those intense take offs and bumpy landings. This current season of my life started with an eye opening take off, my body hummed with excitement. I looked out the window and saw all the places I’d been, what I’d experienced, and what I was leaving behind. The plane taking me up and away from that part and onto a new season. There has been some little bumps along the way but nothing compared to the turbulence of this landing. Will we… I… land safely? Or will we crash and burn on the runway?
Even with all this madness going on behind my eyes, filling my head with so much fluff it’s hard to focus and engage with those around me, I am still breathing calmly through the mask. My heart rate stops racing, slowing to match my breathing and a sense of peace settles over me. I can’t change any of it, so why stress? I close my eyes and wonder to myself, “Why am I letting these bumps effect my life in such a drastic way?” I take the mask off, and look out at the last five plus years of my life through the window again. Thinking back on all the memories I’ve made. All of them molding me into a traveler who is prepared for the next destination. Less bumps now shake the plane as we come in for a landing. Answers and solutions to my dramas fill my head now. My heart is now racing from the adrenaline pumping through me at the thought of the endless possibilities before me. I can feel the landing gear lowering into place as we start to descend. Suddenly my cup is full again and my confidence in what is next for takes back the control. I know that when the wheels touch down, the force will push me back against the seat as the plane breaks to come to a complete stop.
This new destination is going to take me to unknown places, and who knows what will come, but I’m ready. Anxiety be damned, I’m ready to throw myself into what’s next, and I’ll be praying the whole time that what is truly meant to be will be.
One of my favorite verses always comes to mind during moments like these. “For I know the plans I have for you, declare the Lord. Plans to grow you, not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.” Jeremiah 29:11. It reminds me that, no matter what turbulence is rocking my “flight”, He has a plan, and even in the awful moments they are meant to grow me towards that future.
Where will your wanderlust take you next?